Gavin Benjamin Bole

My nephew was born at 3:45am at St. Mungos. I was unfortunately unable to make the delivery but I can't say it was terribly broken. From what I've been told it was particularly painful and gross. He is the cutest thing I've ever seen. He's got these little fingers and toes. He's quiet. Remarkably so which is wonderful.

I think I'll buy him a library of books. He's a handsome little devil already.

Floors are hard. It's obviously why they are not meant to be slept on. I can't honestly say there was much sleeping though. It feels strange sitting around watching after someone when they are ill. It almost feels like trespassing to sit around watching the air go in and out of someone's lungs. It's different from laying there, absentmindedly paying attention to such things when I'm trying to go to sleep too. I hate worrying. I've never been good at it. I think that's why I try to convince myself sometimes that nothing bothers me.

I don't think it gets easier because you start to care more and more.

It made me think about the fact that someday my parents will grow old and I'll have to watch them die. Everyone withers and fades away or they die young. I don't honestly know which is easier anymore. Caring about people and having them go suddenly or watching them go slowly and painfully. It's like you know what is coming but you don't want to accept it so you keep holding to that small glimmer or hope that everything will be okay. You can't fight off the inevitable though. At some point, they all go away. They all fade. It doesn't matter if they're old or young. There is an expiration to it all. Even for me.

I think the lack of sleep has messed me up. I guess something in those missing hours could be counted as sleep but the ache in my body, tells me that it wasn't ever any good. Whatever position, I contorted myself into for minute intervals didn't do me any good. Sleep is wasteful anyways though. It's just minutes lost that I'll never get back. The irony is that I never really know what I'm doing when I'm awake anyways. I think at some point, I thought I did. I've lost track of everything though. It's all a big confusing blur in my head. I'm not sure when it all became like this.

I just know it's real and for the first time in the longest time, I think I actually wish I had Cho to talk to. It would no doubt go over better than rambling to myself about nothing and everything like a crazy person.

I ate lunch at the Ministry today instead of venturing out. I had the fortune of being joined by rather nice company courtesy of the Department of Mysteries. My mother saw me speaking to said company and assumed he was a new boyfriend. I about died when he explained to her that while I had 'great hair', he doesn't exactly prefer women. I about died laughing from her reaction to the news. Honestly, I rather needed the laugh after the last week.

I think I've found a new friend.

Speaking about my hair though, I must have been having a great hair day because even my boss commented on it. He thought maybe I'd gotten it cut or something. He said there was something 'different' about me. Oddly, I still feel like me. I don't suppose any of that has anything to do with my ability to put together memos or make sure paperwork gets to the right people.

Today was an okay day.

If you have not heard, I got the most amazing promotion position within the Ministry. After speaking with Minister Shackbolt, I was not only allowed to return to work but moved to a position under the Minister's Adviser. I must admit I've not gotten to do much yet but I am settling in nicely. Adviser Savage had been the best boss that I've had since I started at the Ministry. He even brought me flowers as a Welcome to the Office Gift. Granted they were enchanted and I nearly lost my nose when I attempted to sniff them, they were quite lovely. I think I'll keep them at a safe distance though. It wouldn't do to lose limbs when working on reports.

To say the least, I am quite honoured to have been given this position.

I haven't had a lot of time this week to do much other than work on the transition from departments. Setting up the new desk and getting to know the ins and outs of what is expected of me is obviously more important than having a social life. I haven't see my family is days it feels like. I've been out to dinner with new coworkers. They are most hospitable. The only leisure time I had was spent buying some new outfits. New position merits new clothes and obviously new shoes. It cost a nice chunk of money from my Gringotts account but if you want to be amazing you have to look amazing.

I really ought to host a dinner party to celebrate my good fortune soon. Should there be a theme or should it just be a simple sit down dinner party? Respected opinions are welcome here.

I've never been more humiliated in my life. We're being treated like common criminals and we didn't do anything that was not mandated by the Ministry. How dare someone accuse anyone of being involved in war crimes when they were simply acting under the colour of the law? Father says that we're supposed to be protected under the Ministry Immunity Act of 1517. Any Ministry official who is following orders shouldn't be punishable. It should be valid. He says they revoked it after the First Wizarding War though. I feel as if someone is constantly watching me though, waiting to catch me doing something that I shouldn't be. I could care less about what happens to that dreadful cow, Umbridge. I'll happily tell them anything they want to know about her. I never did anything that she did not directly order me to do though. She had Moody's eye. She would have known if I hadn't. The Minister doesn't have to know that I didn't honestly care about the people she was persecuting. I wasn't one of them. Why should I have cared?

I'm ready for this nonsense to be over and for things to return to normal. The war is over. Must we dwell on it. It's making me feel sick just thinking about it. I just want to get back to work. Surely, they'll be telling me where to report soon. Hopefully, it will be a lateral move if not an upwards move.

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I've been invited to dinner with my sister and her husband for tomorrow. She wants my advice on what colour she ought to paint the nursery and get in some afternoon shopping for furniture. It's my reward for sharing my good taste in design with them. I might be easier if she didn't insist on having only eco-friendly things. Clarice will be Clarice, I suppose. Thankfully, we're not working on much of a budget. Only the best for my first niece or nephew.

I do find it amusing that Clarice told me that I could bring someone along to dinner. Does she honestly think with everything that has happened lately, I've had time to acquire a dinner date? I've had far more pressing matters to deal with. Poor thing is such a sheltered dear. I think she only gets the Prophet so she can recycle it. She might actually get points for intelligence for choosing to be ignorant to world affairs.

I'm officially done with social events for the day. I don't want to be around anyone but my cat.

( PRIVATE )